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I don't know what came over me this morning or how this was able to enter my thoughts, let alone escape my lips. But before I was even aware of what it was, there it was, something I will NEVER be able to take back.
There's a saying we learn as children, "Sticks and stones my break my bones, but words will never hurt me." This is a lie from the pit of hell! Sticks and stones may break bones that have the ability to heal, but words... words can cut you to the core. Words can bruise the soul and have the ability to alter your future if you allow them to.
As you all know I have a five year old daughter, who on here, I refer to as "Little Miss". She's very much like me in attitude and deed. You reap what you sow, right?
So here it is, my confession...
This morning she got a slight attitude about what she was going to wear to church. *sigh* Normally, this would be ignored, but today, today was different. I can't even tell you exactly what I said, other than the crime committed. In my frustration, I called her a "dummy". (Is that not something a five year old would say? Not a 30 year old mom of two! SMH) It came out faster than it even registered. I vividly remember her face though. I could tell it hurt her feelings. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the shock on my husband's face while he slowly shook his head. That's when it registered. I couldn't even look at him.
I walked away still in my annoyed frustration. I was hit immediately with an overwhelming sense of guilt and nausea. I found myself walking into my daughter's room while she was alone. I sat on her bed eye to eye with her. I apologized to her and asked her to forgive me. I've never meant this more than ever before. I left her and went into the kitchen, stood at the sink, and cried. Lord, please forgive me. Never felt more guilty in my life.
We went to church, but I wasn't even able to completely focus. Not through the praise and worship, the message, nothing. Yes, the Word brought forth was a little cleansing, but my heart was still heavy. When we got home I asked my husband if I was a bad mom. His response: "For what?" It was as if the morning had never happened.
I hope you see my heart on this matter and not persecute me for my crime. (Yes, it was definitely a crime.) I know I'm not the only mother in the world to have done such a thing. I am hoping, however, to not continue to add to my list.
Have you ever needed to ask your child for forgiveness? Were you able to? Why or why not? If not, it's never too late.
Humbly,
I think that by apologizing to her- face to face- the way you did was the right thing to do. You showed her that you are human, and you were indeed sorry for what you did. You don't hear of many times that an adult will apologize to a child for saying anything. I think kids look to us like we don't make mistakes, I think you showed her how to act, and to feel sorry for the things we do and own up to them. I remember a similiar situation where i snapped at my daughter out of anger. I had been under a lot of stress and changes in my life. It was wrong of me, i spoke frankly with her and apologized. we are human.
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