After much consideration and knowing what this Love Dare journey requires, I've decided to go back a few days. I very quickly lost focus on the goal. My heart is no longer in it like it was. I just really need to focus on this. Not be sidetracked or distracted or even discouraged. I no longer want to "give the devil a foothold" in my marriage. (Eph 4:27)
What I found in the last week is that there was a calm before the storm. My husband and I had gotten along fine for a while. Everything seemed like it was going well. I thought that this challenge was gonna be easy. but I forgot the key word... "Challenge".
I had a conversation with a girlfriend of mine recently. She and I had a major disagreement. She doesn't believe that love is a choice. I do. And I've got to make the choice every day to show up in love for my God, my husband, my marriage, my kids, my family. And maybe somewhere in the end, be able to show up in love for myself.
This has been a very humbling experience thus far. One that I am glad to have decided to take. One that I am glad to not have to do on my own. One that I am glad to share. I'm hoping that the end result will be testimony to what God can do to, as Mrs. Pat Ashley would put it, "resurrect that which is dead."
I'm sure I've said this before, that my marriage is not in jeopardy of being over. But it definitely needs to be revived. And I am committed to doing all that I can to make sure that it lasts. I took a vow and made a covenant with God about my husband. I'm just not willing to go back on my word.
I heard today on Focus on the Family that without the proper resources we will have problems we can't deal with. Without the skills we will be overwhelmed. "If the responsibility is your life is higher than your skill level you'll be overwhelmed." So I'm on a mission to acquire the resources and skill to be able to not just survive the rest of my life in this marriage, but to honor the Lord, bless my spouse and children, and experience life to the fullest intent that God has for us.
In Jesus' Name.
So I'm going back to Day 5. Where I think my heart fell out of the equation.
I'm hopeful for what the next 35 days hold. I look forward to allowing God to make me over again and renew my relationship with Him and my husband.
If you can, come join me on this journey. Please leave your comments, suggestions, and prayers. Let's be there for one another. Uplift one another as we move forward in God's design for marriage.
This is where I will begin again:
Day 5: Love is Not Rude