Saturday, October 24, 2009

"Love Dare"- Day 5: Love is Not Rude

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. —Proverbs 27:14

My thoughts...

This is where I'm choosing to begin again. Right here. Why? Well, because this is where it got difficult. Why? I dunno.

Generally speaking, I don't think I'm a rude person. Not really. Now, if as the book states that being rude is by making it things unpleasant for my spouse then I might be guilty. Not intentionally. But I will admit that I don't go out of my way to make things more comfortable. And I am totally guilty of doing more for others than my husband. And I definitely say things, that are not the nicest or necessary out of frustration. Yes, ok, I'm a little rude.  So I'll work on this.

Here goes nothing... Tomorrow will tell. I'm kinda feeling that it'll be an easy day since he'll be gone for most of it. Maybe I'll check out Day 6 and work on that one too since it requires some introspection and I'll be able to do this without distraction from my husband. Hmmm... Yep, that sounds good to me.

My experience...

So I completed the dare. I only did Day 5 cause once I read the dare it was loaded. As we sat in bed watching t.v. I asked him in a sweet, kind tone. "Babe, I need you to tell me 3 things that I do that annoy or irritate you about myself. I won't say anything back about it. But please don't use this as a moment to attack me."

This is what he said:
1. It seems as if I'm not aware of my surroundings or the things that are happening around me. He used the example of me asking him about a bible that had been thrown in the trash. From my perspective he was vacuuming the house. He throws things away all the time. So I figured maybe he threw it away because our son had torn it up or something. Innocent question. Asked just matter-of-factly. But from his perspective he couldn't understand why I would assume first that he had done it rather than the baby. He even said that it wasnt' my tone or anything, but my assumption that bothered him.

2. I don't seem to be able to maintain my schedule whenever he's home. This is very true. I don't know why it is. It just happens. I guess maybe because I try to take advantage of the fact that he's home and do things with him instead of just cleaning and acting as if he's not there. He says I should be utilizing him being home and being able to help with the kids. That's true, but honestly, he's not that big a help.

Surprisingly, even after 2 days, he didn't have a #3. So I will take the liberty of remembering a conversation we had a while back and give myself the third.

3. I don't initiate intimacy. I could go on and on about why that is. But the fact of the matter is that I don't. I do, but it's so far and few between that the efforts really don't count. All I can say is that I hope that once this journey is complete this fact will have changed.

All in all the challenge wasn't so bad. I was waiting for him to just unload a laundry list of things. But all I got was two.

We did however have a moment of testing. The very next day we got into an argument about clothing. I made the mistake of asking him (innocently) about an outfit he was wearing to church. It was a little dressier than I think he normally goes. He had a fit about the question. Apparently he thinks that he dresses like that all the time. And then it came... #1 was thrown in my face. And to add insult to injury he throws in, "See! That just proves my point!"

I didn't argue really. Did my best to hold my piece and walk away. But then after it set in, my feelings were hurt. So in the car on the way to church I asked him, "Why do you feel like you had to prove a point to something that I never argued you down about or denied?" I told him that I was sorry that the morning had gone the way that it had and that I didn't want this to be the set up for the rest of the day. He said that I always act as if it's just that moment that causes him to blow up. I told him then he needs to stop letting things pile up. It's not fair to me for him to hold on to things until he hits a boiling point. I started to cry a bit, but quickly pulled myself together. Once we got to church I was fine.

I'm hopeful for what the next 35 days hold. It may take longer, but I'm going to complete this journey. I have to. My marriage is desperately needing to take a turn for the better. On the path it's currently on, it isn't going to last.

I look forward to allowing God to make me over again and renew my relationship with Him and my husband.

If you can, come join me on this journey. Leave your comments and let's be there for one another.

Read up for tomorrow:

Day 6: Love is Not Irritable

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